*estimated read time: 3 minutes*
Hi Reader,
Today is National Coming Out Day and I’d like to shed some light on my own coming out story.
I don’t usually talk about this part of my life because it’s extremely personal but I felt the need to share this not for the approval of others but really as a marker in my own journey of evolution.
Creativity and sexuality, both rooted in the same chakra (2nd), are two sides of the same coin and I am very clear that my expansiveness in one has directly led and continues to lead to the expansiveness in the other.
So……what’s my coming out story?
Well, officially to the world it was 8 months ago on February 7th 2024 - my final performance for my 2 year acting school.
In a packed theatre of strangers, family and friends I got on stage and took the audience through my 11 minute one person show.
It was a winding performance and monologue detailing my evolution of going from a bullied and shy child to an outspoken adult.
I talked about the trauma caused by catholic school as well as an emotionally/physically/sexually abusive childhood friendship and their impact on my sexuality and the ability to stand up for myself.
I talked about what it had meant for me over the years to overcome that trauma and develop my own voice and the ways in which I became someone who spoke up about everything.
But what I hadn’t yet overcome was a truth that I had known deep down for a very long time and so at the end of the show I announced…..
And in case you don’t watch that 30 second clip, I announced that I was bisexual and welcomed everyone to my coming out party.
I mean, I have 3 major placements in Gemini…..could it have been done any other way?
It was dramatic and hilarious and thankfully, met with applause and support.
Although many of my friends already knew this about me, no one knew that this was how my show would end so I am deeply grateful that this was the reception, especially from both my parents in the audience (my mom is who filmed that video - thanks Mom!) who had absolutely no idea it was coming.
Blessedly, when someone asked my mom if she knew, her response was “No, but I’m not surprised” 😂.
It was a risk for me to go about it this way - I know not everyone with a coming out story has had the same level of openness and acceptance - but I am grateful for a supportive family and a deeply loving community.
I know that I would not have had the same level of courage and bravery to be that openly vulnerable if that had not been the case.
But I also know that I did a tremendous amount of personal work and transformation to get to a point where this level of courage and vulnerability was even accessible to me.
A large part of the reason it took me so long to finally come to terms with my sexuality was because of one of the hardest yet most prevalent emotions that we as humans can experience: shame.
Personally, my shame can be directly tied to my experience with the Catholic Church and the ways in which shame was infused into every aspect of my days going to a catholic elementary school.
No shade to anyone reading this who identifies with Catholicism. It’s just not my bag.
But shame also runs deep in my family and secrecy is deeply historical and prevalent. It’s gotten better over the years but it still very much feels like it’s part of my family’s legacy.
That is not a part of the legacy I am willing or committed to carry on and in the ways that I can and have the ability to make it happen, I have decided that it ends with me.
I’m not a Brene Brown fan but I can appreciate this quote from her about shame: “Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it—it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy.”
Having experienced both generational and childhood trauma around sexuality, part of this process has been and continues to be healing shame through somatic work and emotional regulation, sharing with people whom I trust and then in moments like my performance, through storytelling.
Another reason it took so long, has been less to do with shame and more to do with both biological timing and societal programming which you can read more about here in this article: “Why Your Later in Life Bisexual Awakening is Actually Right on Time.”
Then of course, there’s our nation’s stance on queerness:
“Legislation against the LGBTQ community—young trans people in particular—has been skyrocketing since 2019. This year alone has seen an unprecedented surge: 658 bills were introduced in state legislatures aiming to restrict the rights of trans youth nationwide” (Denny, Reckon Media).
So yeah……it took me awhile to get here.
But I’m here now and it feels really good and I think during these times when we're witnessing the horrors of human made climate change, government sanctioned genocides and the devastation of capitalist greed, it’s important to still find and focus on what gives us joy.
To what tends to our soul; fills our cup; soothes our nervous system; lights up our creativity; brings us closer to community.
Anyways, I think I would like to write more about this aspect of my life and what this journey has been and continues to be - because while it’s been emotional and challenging it’s honestly been extremely chaotic and hilarious.
I got insights but really I got stories ya’ll LOL.
This will most likely be a separate newsletter, possibly paid (a small amount), so if you’re interested in hearing more you can be added to the waitlist here (title pending: Glitter & Chaos).
Till next time, I am sending so much love and celebration to all of the parts of yourself that you have so bravely let out of the closet and much care and compassion to the parts of yourself that you’re working on that might still be in the closet, wrestling away from the darkness of shame.
Bianca 🌈